14 response to guilting texts help


I'm new here.Been lurking for awhile.Mainly because my mil is a huge thorn in my side on and off.I say on and off because sometimes she is normal!Other times the bsc is maddening.

So tonight we all go to her house for the annual christmas eve party.30+ people from the family will be coming.Church is part of this christmas eve ritual.I hate going to church and am a pretty serious atheist.I have no problem with others believing, going to church, etc.Never say anything rude.I operate on a you do what works for you and i will do my atheist thing over here.I would say i get roped into going about one out of every three years and i always regret it.She parades us around like look at me and then likes to hold that over our heads and try to say my hubby is religious when he is no longer.Going to chirch to avoid your mother going bsc does not equal still a catholic smdh

So tonight they are getting ready and she says you aren't coming?We can't tell her ahead of time because she will call incrssantly crying about her christmas being ruined because i'm not going.So she gets her typical shitty i'm hurt face on and starts pouting.I'm like nope i'm good i will watch the oven.Yes, the plan was to leave no one here with the oven and a crock pot on so they could all be together at church.They are due back in about 30 minutes.I know her mo.She won't say anything directly but will be a shitty snarky bish when they get back and likely for tomorrow as well since i dared to mess up her"Perfect christmas".In her world the holidays are an exact fucking thing.This day, this hour, these people, this way or else boo hoo poor me my evil dil ruined my holidays.There is a lot of background on this and if i'm up to it i will post some.She is just very controlling and manipulative.I'm sure i will pay somehow for daring to cross her.Any advice for when she gets back?What if she pulls the typical be all tense and shitty but not directly bs she likes.Do i confront it?Do i pretend like none of ot bugs me and have a good time just to spite her?Lol.I don't know.I'm soooooooo not in the mood.The past few days have been effing shitty for other reasons and i'm afraid i'm going to tell her off and let her know my true feelings about religion which wouldn't end well.What to do here?

Did your dd see/hear you lit into him?She will remember that.She will remember her mom stood up for her and she never had to see that man ever again.

Something that worked with my husband:Describe the situation. "What would you do if a friend or a stranger said x, y, and z to your daughter?Would you allow them around your child?Would you allow them to abuse your child? "And when he says no ask him"Then why is it okay for family to harm your child?Shouldn't family protect each other from this abuse? "

And long term, yes, this would be my htdo.Oh, and should your husband attempt the low blow of"You're projecting your past into my uncle"Very calmly state that while your past may make you more aware of verbal abuse, you're concerned that he thinks abuse from family is okay and that he is putting his mother's needs ahead of the safety and wellbeing of his child. (Yes, i have said something like that to my at the time duh. )

Just an update.Mil must sense that i'm pissed.She started with the texting yesterday.

Text 1 at around noon:How are the girls doing?Are you enjoying your vacation?

I waited until 4:00 to respond.Good.Busy with crafts and science experiments.Knowing my mil that first email was actually more this"Don't forget about me.You can enjoy your break but only with constant updates for me because i am owed that because of everything i do for you".Maybe you all will think i'm crazy for this interpretation(Or maybe not because you all see through bullshit so awesomely.Lol)But i assure you from the history with her it means something to this effect.

Text 2 shortly after my response to text 1.Has odd done her princess crown craft yet?

I respond back: "No we have been busy with other crafts and science experiments".My interpretation of this is sadly:The girls like my presents better than the things your parents got for her right?She was already snippy when odd was talking about how much she loves a racetrack set my dad got for her.She is very jealous of my parents.

I think she was hoping to ralph Lauren engage me more to try and"Make things right"Or get me to talk more about what we were doing/make more plans with me.I'm a talker so those short to the point texts are not my usual style and she knows it.

Text 3:To my dh around 6:30.Did you forget about gma? !I need more pics of the girls!Even though she just took tons of pics of them a few short days ago.And dh rounded them up took their picture and sent it.I honestly think he doesn't see how odd this is.I was upstairs folding the laundry when he reaponded.

Am i right in believing texting demanding pics of the girls all the time is weird?She does this more often when we have her on lc or are pissd at her.My mom never does weird shit like this.It's annoying.If you don't respond back within about 2 hours with pics she calls dh crying cheap ralph Lauren polos that no one loves her anymore.

Suddenly i'm seeingEverything she does for what it really is.Everything this woman does is caluclated and manipulative including the nice things she does.It's all an attempt to controlEverything andEveryone.I know we are heading to a blow up again.EveryTime it gets to the"Did you forget about me"/"Don't you love gma"Texts and calls it's all downhil.Every.Gd.Time.

Some movement in the right direction though.Dh's annual holiday party for his work is coming up.The default is always ask mil of she can babysit.I pre empted this situation by asking the date from dh and telling him i was going to start looking for a sitter.I was pleasantly surprised that he didn't question why his mother couldn't watch them.I knocked on the neighbor's door who has 3 college age girls and they are asking their sister who wasn'f home at the time if she is interested and took my number.My mother also marked her calendar and is willing to come down to in her own words"Save the children from the bsc"If need be.Lol

Thanks for the encouragement but i'm feeling like i will be on here a lot soon.I've seen this exact ramp up with the texts at least a dozen times.It has ended once in a yard tantrum, several times in calling dh bawling, multiple times in crying inappropriately at family events about dead people and everyone should be nicer to her and too many times to count in"Punishing"Us in some way ie:Shitty ass attitude, stomping feet, trying to take things away, acting embarrassing around other people and always with guilting about dh not being the same and not loving her anymore.One or more of these scenarios play out every time.My resolve and anger is still very present though!

I'm looking back and realizing i have been living in the twilight zone.I finally dished for about an hour to a close friend(Not friends with dh's family)About my experience with his family and her jaw was on the floor.She said she would think i was making it all up it was so nuts but that it was so crazy it had to be true.

Oh you lucky duck!Readmy last response.No never a to.Honestly she would never to us.I think if we cut her out she will end up in a mental institution which if she needs the help fine by me!She is living a fantasy land where she is mommy to dh and our girls.She literally thinks she has a say in about everything we do as parents.She cries when more than 2 weeks go by and she doesn't see the girls.And i mean full cheap ralph lauren on bawling on the phone about poor gma missing"Her girls".I wish she would put us on a to!

Did your dd see/hear you lit into him?She will remember that.She will remember her mom stood up for her and she never had to see that man ever again.

Something that worked with my husband:Describe the situation. "What would you do if a friend or a stranger said x, y, and z to your daughter?Would you allow them around your child?Would you allow them to abuse your child? "And when he says no ask him"Then why is it okay for family to harm your child?Shouldn't family protect each other from this abuse? "

And long term, yes, this would be my htdo.Oh, and should your husband attempt the low blow of"You're projecting your past into my uncle"Very calmly state that while your past may make you more aware of verbal abuse, you're concerned that he thinks abuse from family is okay and that he is putting his mother's needs ahead of the safety and wellbeing of his child. (Yes, i have said something like that to my at the time duh. )

And yes she did!She looked at me with these wide eyes and i could read the woah mommy is pissed at him for talking to me that way look in them.I then turned to her and in front of all them told her never to let people say things like that to her and that she should tell people not to speak to her that way while looking them in the eyes and remove herself from the company of people who can't respect her.It was quite the moment.I feel so guilty it happened in the first place my instincts have been screaming stay away from uil since day one.No one to blame but myself for that but i won't let that horrible situation with him go by without it prompting me into the action i should have taken years ago before it got to this point.

If/when dh questions why i'm so seriously limiting his mom's time with the kids i'm going to tell him people who throw temper tantrums and slam doors because they aren't getting their way in response to me don't get to see my kids.I feel bad because dh willbe in the middle of this and he better damn well stick up for me but honestly i'm mad at him.Sooooooo many times i tried to say we need to set boundaries with your mom now and he shut me down.So many timesshe said snippy bitchy thigs to me even in front of him and he said nothing.Just told me oh just ignore it that's the way she is.He has thrown me under a bus with no salvation insight for years because he hasn't had the balls to tell mommy dearest to eff out of our lives.I finally feel like i can stand up to him about this too.Living a life walking on egg shells around a manipulative mil is exhausting and anxiety inducing.

So this is a situation that has beenhappening often lately that has also led me to get this pissed.Oddis terrible at eating vegetables.Mil loves to give her treats.We tell her you need to eat x amount of peas to get the popsicle.Mil"Sneaks"The peas off herplate and eat them in front of us while putting her finger up to her mouth and saying shhhhhhhh to odd and giggling then denies when i say no you can't eat her peas for her and pretends it's all a big game.This is a great example of the bs i have been putting up with.Then if i say well you didn't eat your peas you get no popsicle we are the bad guys.It's a no win situation. The times that she didn't eat enough to earn her treatMilpouts with her lip out and whines.Pleeeaaassseee can she get just one little treat.She earned it.Milis ODD's favorite now. She loves to say butMillets me this or that.I'm soooooo hoping this lc puts her into a tizzy and dh gets sick enoughto go along with a co.She plays gma of the year not because she generally wants to be i think it's a sick power play in her head to have odd loyal to her and no one else.She makes her say she loves gma the most and i have had to shut that down multiple times.Even odd says no i love momma, daddy, gma equally then she pouts.How long if i don't put a stop to this before odd starts agreeing with gma of the year who gives her everything she wants though?This woman feels like a poison in my life.I know it wouod be best to just co now but dh would lose it.Elc for now hoping dh keeps realizinf how screwed up his family is.He seems to be in denial about a lot but has been making some pretty profound statements lately along the lines of"Wow my family is being nuts".I'm hoping after easter blows up(Which it will)That becomes his last straw with them.Is it unreasonable for me to tell dh it doesn't matter what his mom says or does if it's against what i'm trying to do he needs to shut her down immediately?I really wish he had been shutting her down this whole time.It hurts he lets his mom stomp all over me and i know he will be unhappy with the way i deal with things from here on out if he doesn't do something serious.If my mom treated him like this he would have a shit fit.If only i could go back about a decade and put my foot down to dh against his mom then.

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